I finally took a picture of myself pregnant the other week. I haven't really wanted to but people kept asking for one. Don't get me wrong, it's not because I don't love that I am pregnant! I would just prefer to take pictures of our baby girl when she is actually here, not when she is inside of me....
I still think back to when we found out we were pregnant. It was a pretty exciting Monday. I had taken a pregnancy test a week before and it had been negative, but I was still "late" and the day before I had felt really sick at a family dinner so the thought was obviously in the back of my mind. I woke up and took the test first thing. I still remember my heart pounding when I looked down at the test and there was a positive sign.... When I showed Patrick we both jumped up and down and hugged each other with huge smiles on our faces. We couldn't believe it was real. We had seen so many negative signs over the past few months that we didn't think it would ever happen!
We had been trying for 6 months and every month just kept getting harder and harder to deal with every time I saw the negative sign on each pregnancy test. It was a hard couple of months for me emotionally - I felt so heartbroken and confused and sunk deep into a place I didn't like. I have to admit I didn't think I was ready to "start trying" when the answer to that prayer came, but I wanted it desperately more and more with every passing month that followed.
But Heavenly Father knew it would take some time and it was time that I needed to prepare myself to be able to start becoming the woman I needed to be and the mother I need to be (and I am still working on it). I ended up learning a lot and I am a much stronger and better person because of it. I am grateful for those hard and sad 6 months that pushed me to turn towards the Lord and put all my faith in him.
I know that I have been so blessed, that I was actually able to get pregnant and that it only took 6 months and that I have been healthy and our baby girl has been healthy so far too.
Life is a crazy and delicate thing. The Lord knows what He is doing, and I am grateful for that.
I'm so excited for you to come to this world baby girl! I have been waiting for you for a long time, a lot longer than I actually knew, and I know you have been waiting too. Thanks for being so patient.
-H
